sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
