So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
