fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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