This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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