Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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