a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
