Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
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I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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