Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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