WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
