Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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