with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
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He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize