I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
