I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
