Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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