I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You left your phone here
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