Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
