What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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