dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
