he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
