There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
