I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
