my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
