He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
