Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
