Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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