Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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