Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
