addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
