So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
