she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
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He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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