Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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