this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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