Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
