I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
worst night to have a conscience
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
