Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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