But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
