I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
