I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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