I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
