There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
