is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
