he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
