The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
