Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
my poor anus
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
