i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
