And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
this just has baby written all over it
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
