There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize