Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
