i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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