i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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