sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
