I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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