Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
