We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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