Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
