Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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