im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
