the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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