let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
