You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
