we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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