And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
im holly from the hills drunk
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
