i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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