i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
