third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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