I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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