Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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