We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
