I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
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Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize