Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
