am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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