YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Randomize
