he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
