They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
