She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
