so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
why do cheetos always look like penises
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
