We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
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Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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