the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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