She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
