I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
