If i come over, it means nothing
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
