Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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